I remember exactly where I was when I found out my mom had died in a car accident. It didn’t feel real. Grief and trauma are hard to deal with at the same time, and that’s exactly what happened to me — I went into shock, and then I lost it. I ended up in the psych ward. I was a complete mess.

What made it so hard wasn’t just losing her. It was everything I never got to say. My mom and I had a complicated relationship — there was so much that happened between us that never got resolved before she was gone. I didn’t get the ending I wanted. I didn’t get to finish the conversation.

I’ve learned that grief for a relationship like that is still real grief. It doesn’t matter that things were messy between us, or that we never fully made peace. The love was real, and so is the loss. Healing doesn’t mean everything gets wrapped up neatly — it just means you’re still standing, still moving through it.

If you’re carrying something similar, my advice is this: don’t be afraid to tell someone you trust what happened to you. Take it one step at a time. You don’t have to have it all figured out. There is help out there — you can call the police, you can call victim services, you can talk to a social worker. I’ve even written out my own story and read it to community support workers at a college, so they’d understand better how to help people like me.

Some days are still hard. I won’t pretend they’re not. But I’ve come a long way, and I’m still here — and that counts for something. If you’re in it right now, you will get through this too.